Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. |
Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. |
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? |
Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's unplanned, it's full of surprises. |
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. |
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food |
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food |
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. |
I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal. |
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. |
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. |
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. |
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. |
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. |
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.'' |