I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. |
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. |
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go." |
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. |
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were! |
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. |
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. |
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy. |
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's gonna be up all night. |
I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. |
I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!" |
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. |
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it |
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it. |
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. |